And That Was
by thecupcakeimp
Summary: And that was how they met, how they became friends, how Matt and Mello became so close, and yet remained a certain distance apart, careful to not overstep the boundaries each laid down, when it was them verses the world. MattxMello
1. How They Met

**How They Met- Chapter One**

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Mail ran down the pathway, slipping and sliding on the wet cobblestone. Flames ravaged the sky, and he kept running farther and farther away. They lied. Constantly. There was no one who could tell him differently. Everyone had always lied to him. Said that they didn't know what was wrong with him, that there had to be something wrong with him. Mail simply didn't care. Blood ran down his forehead, surely the new cut would cross another, older scar, and create a new one. Hazel-green eyes were filled with panic. He could hear footsteps following him. He had to get out of here.

Mail, as the only way he could get out of that god-forsaken place, had burned down the orphanage. He didn't care. It was a way out. He darted into an alley.

A month later, Mail sat in the office of Whammy's House. Still wearing sooty clothes, dreadfully thin, and certainly not eager to be there. Whammy's had informed the previous orphanage (which was being rebuilt) that he was dead, and all traces he had ever existed were gone. Roger had even given him a new name. Matt. He was still Mail Jeevas… but not. It was a strange concept for him.

He sat back in the chair and got himself reasonably comfortable. He didn't mind it so much here, particularly since he had his own room, and had been given various electronic games he could play with. His PS2 was already nicely rewired to be more efficient. But… he knew they had only given him these things so that they could tell him a lie, and he would be more likely to believe it. Bargaining. Oh no, he wasn't going to believe any of their lies. He heard the door open and he clenched his eyes shut. A habit he had gotten after the incident of the orphanage. He shut out the lies visually. He heard shuffling footsteps.

But then something was pressed into his hands. Matt's eyes flickered open.

Goggles?

Rimmed in dull silver, the lenses were a warm orange. Some instinct prompted him to put them on, so he did. The room was bathed in a dusky glow from the lenses, and for some reason he couldn't explain, he felt more… secure. As though the goggles were his shield against the lies.

"Ah, so they do help," he heard someone mutter. Matt looked up, and he saw the most peculiar looking young man he had ever seen. Plain white shirt, blue jeans, no shoes, wild unkept black hair, and sunken in dark eyes with deep circles underneath.

Matt swung his legs in the chair, looking around.

"Who're you?" he asked, looking at the men.

"I am L."

"L?" Matt said, cocking his head to the side.

"Yes. Matt, have you ever thought of being a detective?" L asked, a tiny smile lifting the corners of his lips. L always enjoyed these first visits- particularly when the child in question showed prospective.

"A… detective? No, I've just wanted t'get out of the orphanage…" Matt said, his eyes widening.

"Would you like to be one?" L asked.

"E-er, yeah. I think so… maybe."

"This institution can help you if you let it. Also, even if you don't recognize it yet, there are many other children that are like you here. I know that this is not what you would like to hear at this moment in time, but it is the truth," L said. Matt couldn't help but trust him. He didn't know why it was so easy to do it, but he knew he could trust L, if anyone. The only person he trusted. Ever.

"Also, I've ensured that you will have your own room until you feel ready to have a roommate. No one will lie to you if you let them. I am sure that you will be fine," he added.

"Thanks," Matt said, looking up with a grin.

L got up and offered him a cookie before leaving.

Matt liked him.

He ate the cookie rather quickly as he wandered back to his room. Perhaps that now he had the goggles he could go around and see what was in the rest of Whammy's. He hadn't actually wandered around the whole building yet, but with this new feeling of being secure…

"Get out of my_ way_," he heard someone snap and he was shoved into the wall. Matt turned after collecting himself to see a thin lanky blonde storming down the hallway.

_And that was how they met._


	2. How They Became Friends

**How they became friends- Chapter Two**

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A week later, Matt had discovered how easy and fun Zelda was. He happened to be playing it when there was a knock on the door. He got up lazily after pausing, and opened the door. Roger stood there.

"L would like to see you."

Matt eagerly followed him.

"Good to see you," L said, "I wanted to introduce you to Mello and Near. They are the only others who scored higher than you did on the recent tests. Congratulations." The blonde, Mello, flashed Matt a glance that could only be taken as a dare to get his scores any higher. Near looked quite impassionate. Matt shifted in his chair a little uncomfortably. All this and he hadn't even… tried? It was so easy….

Matt walked out of the room and Mello shoved him against the wall, holding him there by his shoulders.

"You're no better than the last third ranker," he hissed.

"I don't care 'bout ranks. Don't care much about anything," Matt said. Mello, on the other hand, looked astonished.

"What do you mean, you 'don't care'?"

"I just don't."

"You're a freak."

With that, Mello let him go, and they went in opposite directions down the hallway.

The next day, Mello barged into his room.

"What're you-!?!" Matt stuttered.

"I've decided since you don't care about ranks or anything, you can be my friend," the blonde said as he ate a bite of chocolate with an authoritative look in his bright blue eyes.

"What?" Matt said, looking at him like he was the stupidest person he'd ever met. Mello apparently chose to ignore this as he flopped on the redheaded gamer's bed.

"You're an odd one, aren't you? Well, now that we're friends, you're not gonna have to worry about anybody messing with you." Boy was Mello not looking into the future.

"You're awfully arrogant," Matt smirked.

Mello punched him.

"And you're not gonna say shit like that."

"Wanna bet?" Matt's DS was tossed aside.

Both sat in Roger's office, glaring at each other, bruises forming. They were reprimanded, but as Mello flashed Matt a grin, they ran out of the office before Roger had finished.

_And that was how they became friends._


	3. How They Came to Understand One Another

**How They Came to Understand One Another- Chapter Three**

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About a year later, Mello was splayed out on Matt's bed, and Matt himself lay on his stomach on the ground, playing DS.

"Hey, Matt, why do you always wear those goggles?"

"'Cause," Matt muttered.

"'Cause why?" Mello dangled his head upside down off of the bed.

"I want to."

"Why don't you take them off?"

"I _don't_ want to."

"Why not?"

"I just don't want to, so shut up."

"Alright," Mello said, deciding that if Matt was actually being this stubborn, there was probably a good reason the other boy wore them. "You should eat more."

"What? Why?" Matt asked.

"You're fucking skinny."

With that, Mello ensured that Matt got enough weight on him that he didn't look like he was homeless anymore.

Six months after that, they were in their usual places after class. They'd already had their weekly fight after the class rank list had come out, and neither looked particularly thrilled with the other.

"Hey Matt, take your goggles off."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm just not going to."

"Come on, Matty, we tell each other everything, and you won't take off your goggles? What's the big deal about them anyway? If you don't-"

"You'll beat me up? You've already done that once today," Matt scoffed.

"I'll take them off your face myself," Mello said coldly.

Matt looked up at him, and Mello thought that for once he was really seeing his friends genuine anger burning through the tinted lenses.

"No. No you won't," Matt said rather threateningly as he paused his game. Mello wasn't going to have it. He leaped onto the redhead from the bed and was shocked by his strength. He hadn't put this sort of a fight up ten minutes ago. Matt punched him hard in the jaw, almost looking desperate, and pinned Mello to the ground.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Mello shouted, trying to reach for the goggles, but his flailing arms were pinned to the ground after he got another hard blow to the face.

"You've got no idea why I'm here, do you?" Matt's voice had risen as well, leaning over him.

"Maybe I do. There aren't many of us who came from good places, you dumbshit," Mello growled. Matt got off of him and sat on his bed, absentmindedly taking a Rubik's Cube and starting to solve it without looking up.

"My parents hated me. I was the unplanned third child, the only one they never wanted or needed. They threw me out every other day, like a dog that kept coming back for food. Where else was I supposed to go? This scar, the one going from left to right is from my loving father, trying to beat some sense into my head," he said, pointing to the thin white line that was nearly hidden by his hairline. The scars on his forehead were the very reason he had bangs. He hated people asking about them. "So I got _sick_ of the orphanage they threw me in when I was seven. I burned it down 'cause they all kept lying. Everyone's always lied, and it's stupid. They all said 'Oh Mail, you're such a sweet _troubled_ child. Let's get you the psychologist. Let's fix you. You're dangerous.' I ran and Roger found me. This is, well, this is the only place I've ever felt like I can be and people actually feel the need to care about me- but I still don't want to have to see their lies."

Mello was silent for a moment, and looked up at Matt with a smile.

"I was born Slavic, y'know. I lived in a nice little village up in Russia though. Can't remember it much. The nomads had been having a rough time that year 'cause there was a drought or an early freeze or something, and raided the village. I dunno who lived or who died, but somehow they found me and brought me here. How, I've no idea. I was _really _little then," Mello said as though his ripe age of eight was a lot older, "But whatever, I'm not really Mihael anymore, and I live here. If there's something I don't really care about it's my past. What's important is here."

Matt had completed the Rubik's Cube a while ago, and stared at it without a word.

_And that was how they came to understand one another._


	4. When Mello Vowed

**When Mello Vowed to Protect Matt- Chapter Four**

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They were now thirteen and Matt was loyal to Mello. He would follow the blonde without a word of protest—for Mello and L were the only ones who had completely gained his trust. He did trust others easier now, but only to a certain extent.

Matt was, for once, sprawled out on his bed, and Mello on the ground. The windows were thrown wide open to let the English summer air into their room. It wasn't even really Matt's anymore, since Mello may as well have been his roommate.

"Say, Matt, would you take your goggles off?"

"If… if you'll stop asking me…?" Matt said, glancing away from his game momentarily.

Mello looked shocked. For years he'd asked Matt to take his goggles off, always curious about what color Matt's eyes were. It was just one of those things that bothered him. "Yeah!" he said excitedly.

Matt sighed, looking nervous, and took his goggles off.

Mello was stunned. He had never seen eyes that seemed so bright so—vulnerable? No, he couldn't find the right words for such a hazel-green. Matt blinked and looked around for a moment, momentarily blinded by the assault of colors on his retinas, and slipped the goggles back on.

"I know, I look weird without them," matt shifted uncomfortably and unpaused his game.

"No, no you don't," Mello said with a smile.

_And that was when Mello vowed to protect Matt- always._


	5. How They Separated

**How They Separated- Chapter Five**

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Now they were fourteen.

Mello ran into his room, choking back sobs, not giving a damn about who saw him. Matt's head jerked up, and he heard a door slam. He put down his PSP and walked down to Mello's room.

"Mell?" he said, trying to open the door, but it was locked.

"Go the hell away, Matt!"

"No, let me in," Matt said, furrowing his brows.

The door was unlocked and Mello stood in the doorway, an absolute wreck. His room had been torn apart in a matter of seconds, it seemed, behind him. There was a backpack slung over his shoulder.

"M-Mello?" Matt whispered.

"L is dead. I'm leaving," the blonde said bluntly, his voice still shaking. With anger or despair Matt didn't know.

"I'm coming wi—"

"I'm going alone."

Silence.

"No you're not. I'm going with you. Mello don't—don't do this—please. You're the only one I can trust now!" Matt's voice became an ever more desperate plea, panic rising. But Mello had already run out the front door.

Lost and shattered, Matt leaned against the doorframe, sobs wracking his thin body.

_And that was how they separated._


	6. How They Were Reunited

**How They Were Reunited- Chapter Six**

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Four years later, Matt was still a complete wreck. He'd left a month after Mello once he'd gotten his resolve together, and had snuck out in a matter of minutes by traditional cover of night. He was now eighteen, and had thrown himself through just about every single bit of shit he could manage, and really, was in dreadful shape.

He was homeless, but kept a laptop with him at all times that he'd gotten from someone's trash. He'd fixed it up easily (he didn't know why they'd thrown it away, since it was such nice quality). He fixed computers for people when he needed money, and had enough to get by. There was a whole new collection of scars on his pale frightfully thin frame. He never took his goggles off. Not once. He'd gone to parties and clubs and traveled the world in search of the one person he trusted. He'd actually… tried. He had to. This was one matter that he actually put effort into. Mello was really doing a pretty good job of covering his tracks. But… Matt had a lead he could use to dig beneath the surface of things to find what was hiding underneath.

Mello was in the Mafia.

It really didn't surprise him at all.

Finding Mello had become an obsession. What he lived for now, since he had nothing else as Kira slowly dominated everything.

Matt carefully tapped into the surveillance cameras. Such an old trick. So _dreadfully_ easy. He switched cameras until—no, that wasn't him. Not this building. He moved to the next. He worked all night, found a nice bit of ground, slept, and repeated the process.

It wasn't until a week later that he found the right conversation.

Matt yanked his headphones off and stuffed everything into his old messenger bag, and started running down the street. He pulled his old cell phone from his pocket and dialed. Oh God—it was ringing. Someone picked up.

"Who the _fuck_ is calling me!?!" a voice snapped.

"Mello?"

Silence.

A door shut.

"Matt…?" a whisper this time.

"Yup."

"How the hell did you find…"

Matt clicked away on his laptop. Right there- two blocks away. Dammit! Only two blocks! He was so close!

"Do you really want to know?" he asked.

"Are you sick? You sound awful."

"A bit. Sort of." The truth of the matter was that he was getting over some addictions and not having an easy time. "I'm on my way."

"What the- you can't Matt!"

"Whyever not?" he asked. He could sense Mello rolling his eyes.

"Matt, you idiot, I'm assuming you know that I'm with the Mafia, and I know for a fact you're far more intelligent than you're suggesting right now."

"Look out the window."

"You fucking i_diot." _Mello hung up and ran outside.

Matt stood there, hands in the pockets of the (dirty) vest he had acquired, messenger bag slung over his shoulder, looking unsure of what he was supposed to do. Mello looked just as awkward. Mello, however, broke the moment of insecurity by throwing his arms around the redhead. Mello was shocked by how thin and haggard his friend looked.

"C'mon, there's a spare apartment 'bout a block away."

"I missed you, Mell," Matt said suddenly.

"I missed you too. I'm sorry I couldn't… you know… never mind. God, I can't believe what I did…"

"I'm al-"

"Like hell you're alright. You're shaking," Mello said, his instinct to care for Matt kicking in almost instantly.

_And that was how they were reunited beneath a high noon December sun._


	7. When Matt Realized He Was in Love

**When Matt Realized He Was in Love- Chapter Seven**

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Mello took Matt to the spare apartment, glancing back every so often to make sure the other was still alright. Matt had a dazed look about him that filled him with concern.

He shut the door.

"How did you find me?" he demanded, leaning against said door.

"I hacked, checked the surveillance cameras pretty much everywhere, managed to get your number 'cause I got lucky, and used the cell phone towers in the area to triangulate your location," Matt rattled off quickly.

"Dammit, Matt…" he muttered, "If you'd just fucking walked in there, you would've gotten shot."

"I would've gone in through your window."

"Just shut up Matt!" he growled, "And what have you been eating? Nothing, by the looks of it. Jesus, what did you get yourself into…?" he spoke halfway to himself as he appraised Matt's ragged appearance.

"I'm fine, Mells."

"Fine my ass. What did you do to yourself?" Mello rolled his eyes, taking out a bar of chocolate and biting off the corner.

"I just… haven't… handled things very well."

"Obviously," the blonde scoffed. Matt put his bag down, sitting on the couch, and pulling out a cigarette.

"What the hell, Matt? Don't do that in the apartment."

"You want me to do something worse?" Matt asked, raising an eyebrow.

Mello scowled and sat down beside him, letting out a sigh of defeat.

"So, now that I've found you, can I help?"

"What?"

"You're fighting Kira. I want to help."

"You're not doing _anything _until you're fixed up and stable."

"But I'm-"

"No. You need help," Mello said. He knew that he was the only one Matt trusted enough to let help him, so he would do everything he could.

Matt sighed and settled into the couch. Mello leaned against Matt, and the redhead was caught by Mello's scent. He still smelled of chocolate and something new that he couldn't identify.

_And that was when Matt realized that he was in love._


	8. When Mello Realized

**When Mello Realized He Had Someone to Love- Chapter Eight**

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For a week Mello didn't let him smoke, drink, or anything else- at all. Matt coughed up blood, screamed at him, and for once, Mello took it. He made Matt get everything out of his system, both physical and psychological, and week two, Matt was mainly asleep, sick, and not keen on moving. Mello helped him to the trashcan when he needed to throw up, and made him ramen, and just sat with him on the other's laptop, working, and felt like he was really keeping the promise he'd made to himself years ago. That night, the one where Matt took his goggles off for the first time, remained fresh in his mind.

Mello curled up on the bed beside him, looking weary and tired.

"Mell?" Matt said quietly, shifting so he could look at the blonde.

"Yeah?"

"Why're you doing this for me?"

"Go back to sleep."

"Mello…"

"'Cause I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I broke, so now I'm gonna do a better job of keeping it."

"What was the promise?"

"Just think about it."

Matt turned his gaze out the window to watch the traffic go by a few stories below.

The next week Matt had regained a normal eighteen-year-old's appetite, and ate them out of every bit of food in the apartment. He sat on the couch, all game face, and intent upon his goal of defeating the boss. After a little while longer and a couple attempts, he beat it. He saved, stretched, and tossed the controller away, humming the Final Fantasy X Victory Theme to himself. Mello was chuckling.

"What?" he asked, looking up.

"You're just so much more like I remember," Mello said.

"What?" Matt repeated.

Mello laughed and flopped down beside him, biting off a piece of chocolate.

_And that was when Mello realized that he had something to care and worry about, someone to love, something to fight for, and not against._


	9. When Matt Decided That it Might

**When Matt Decided That it Might be Worth Believing Something for the Better- Chapter Nine**

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"Mello- Mello I can't do this!" Matt shouted, trying to tear himself away from the blonde, who was holding him against the wall.

"You don't need that shit, Matt!" Mello snapped, his eyes ice, "And you're not going to take it!"

"But I-"

"Shut up, Matt! I haven't put you through hell for three weeks for nothing!"

Mello kissed him, hard on the lips, ravaging the new territory, not asking for permission—he was demanding it. Matt struggled harder than ever, growling his frustration, scratching, flailing, anything he could think of. Mello was distracting him and distraction wasn't what he wanted.

The blonde pinned his arms against the wall too, holding him there. It wasn't too hard with the state Matt was in.

Matt's mind was incredibly conflicted. He needed to go out and find something to—but Mello's demanding, controlling, dominating, chocolate tasting mouth, so sweet and something he had longed for was so alluring. The blonde's tongue rubbed against his in such a _fascinating_ way, eliciting a moan from him. He found rather suddenly that he wasn't struggling anymore, but clutching the blonde, pulling him closer, holding, touching. They fit together so perfectly, both bodies molded against the other's, using the wall for support as though gravity had simply turned sideways.

"S-stop, Mello!" Matt groaned, but he didn't. Matt tried to shove him away again, and Mello threw him to the floor, straddling him and holding his arms immobile.

"No. You need to shut the fuck up about drugs and get on with life. Said getting on with life tends to involve distraction," Mello purred dangerously in his ear.

Matt squirmed under him, the hot breath on his neck drawing even more confusion from him. He was under someone he wanted, and there was still something else he wanted. Needless to say, his body and mind were reacting to both.

"Everything now is psychological at this point. Your body wasn't too badly addicted to whatever shit you put inside it, so," Mello kissed his neck, biting the pale skin, "You just have to believe that you're gonna be fine."

"Believe…?" Matt said, his breath hitching as Mello sucked on his collarbone, "I've- I've never been too good at that."

"I know. I'll make you believe."

"Try."

"Oh don't worry about that."

_And that was when Matt decided that it might be worth believing something for the better._


	10. How The Restrictions and Boundaries

**How the Boundaries and Restrictions Were Set- Chapter 10**

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Matt wasn't fighting back any longer. He was simply letting Mello take complete control. The blonde seemed intent upon touching every bit of his skin, to draw out gasps and moans, shudders of anticipation. Matt wasn't holding anything in, urging the motions and actions faster. But Mello was a dreadful tease and just drove him insane.

Mello kept some of his touches torturously light—but then he would bite or scratch, the sudden changes intense. It was his way of marking Matt as his. He had worked the redhead's vest and shirt off and was focused on continuing to give more marks. He released Matt's arms and ran his hands down his lightly toned chest and moved himself down to start working his pants off.

Matt moved a little to help him get them off—they had been getting almost painful to wear. He was suddenly aware that Mello was pulling his own clothing off. The sight was mesmerizing as more skin was revealed, the blonde's movements slow and seductive.

The feeling of skin on skin contact in so many places caused both of them to gasp, breathing getting faster still.

He slid his arms around Mello to grip his shoulders, leaning up to give him a fierce kiss, impatient, and rough. Mello pulled them both up off of the bed into a sitting position.

"No lube," Mello said breathlessly.

"What? Fuck lube," Matt muttered before settling himself between Mello's legs. He leaned down and felt the blonde tangle his fingers in his hair. Mello could have gotten off on that sight alone—Matt flushed and lusty just—and Matt ran his tongue along his length and swirled it around the head before fully taking him in. Mello leaned his head back as Matt bobbed his head, sucking and just barely dragging his teeth, humming. Mello yanked Matt's head away and attacked him with intense kisses, shoving him back onto the bed.

"Mello-" Matt said, his voice a plea.

"You want me to take you, Matty?"

"Yes—yes," Matt moaned as Mello moved against him. The blonde let him take his hand and suck on his fingers for a moment, and pulled them away. Without any further warning he pressed one finger slowly into the other's entrance. Matt hissed, grasping his shoulders tightly again. Mello waited until he nodded to press in a second finger, and then a third. Once he felt that Matt had adjusted he pulled them out, the redhead groaning in protest. But soon enough Mello thrust in and he bucked his hips at the second sudden intrusion. He willed any pain away, and it quickly melted into pleasure at Mello started moving.

But then- he could have punched Mello in the face when he paused.

"Mello, you have _got_ to be fucking be-"

"Let me take your goggles off," Mello demanded his voice low and full of lust.

"Dammit, Mello!" Matt was clearly impatient and began moving himself, but Mello leaned over and bit his shoulder hard enough that it made him wince and stop. He reached up and pulled the other's goggles onto his forehead.

"I wanna see your pretty eyes when I make you _scream_."

Mello started moving again, harder and faster, driving the momentum of time. The he pounded his sweet spot and began stroking him in time, and Matt arched his back, quite aware that those ice blue eyes above him were watching almost expectantly. He was thrown into his climax, drawing out a scream of the blonde's name, and Mello was brought to his own. Once the rush had died down, Mello pulled out, still lying on Matt, both panting and sweaty.

"Told you I'd make you scream," Mello smirked and kissed him, raw emotion still detectable. Matt chuckled.

"Is that gonna happen every time I go into withdrawal symptoms?"

"You wish, Matty-boy," Mello chuckled and laid his head possessively on his shoulder, "You're mine, so you'd better do as I say," he said, and Matt ran a hand through the blonde's sweetly golden hair. He still had his goggles off- and for once… it was sort of nice.

"Since when did I disobey?"

_And that was when the boundaries were laid down, the hazy restrictions set._

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_A/N: Wow, I'm sorry about the long time to update. First of all, this week has been one long -facedesk-. Seriously. It's time for Male Reproduction System in health. It's hilarious. I usually write during school, but well, given the content of this chapter, I just sat there and -facedesk-'d the whole time pretty much. Just in case you were curious. w  
_


	11. When Mello Realized They Were the Same

**When Mello Realized They Were Still the Same- Chapter Eleven**

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The dark sky was overcast outside, clouds smothering the dim light of the sun's first rays as Matt stared out the window. Mello had been gone for two days now, and he was getting anxious. Mello _was_ in the Mafia after all.

Matt, himself, was doing considerably better. The fits he had were now only brief urges he could control (though he had tried to get a repeat of last week), and Mello had let him start smoking again, even if he didn't like it. It was that or something worse. Matt had watched the other three—if you included L—with their addictions. But he was a stupid masochist, and his addictions weren't as nice as chocolate, sweets in general, and toys. Always the masochist.

The doorknob of the apartment rattled, and he heard a stream of curses in many languages, sometimes transferring mid-sentence from outside. Matt got up, his (Mario Starman) boxers hanging out of his pants (which in truth weren't on all the way), and opened the door.

"Hey, Matty," Mello leaned against the doorframe, smirking at his bare-chested companion.

"Hey," Matt said, quite seriously, "Where the fuck've you been, Mello?"

"Can't tell you that," Mello strode in, raising his arms above his head to stretch.

"Okay, fine," Matt huffed, and went back to the bedroom, finished dressing, came back out, and sat down at the TV. He flipped it and the PS2 on and soon the Final Fantasy Prelude sang out in the room. Mello sat down, the only thing betraying his weariness his eyes, which were slightly dimmer than usual. Before matt loaded his slot, he turned to him.

"Look, just tell me when I'm not gonna see you for a while. There's a shitload of things that could have happened to you."

"Yes, mum," Mello scoffed.

"I'm being serious, Mells, I was getting worried when you didn't answer my calls, call me, show up or…"

"Fine, I'll call or something. It's cute that you were worried though."

Matt, however, was already lost in Ivalice. He lit up while watching his character's progress in a small battle, and Mello leaned over. How much could Matt take before he pressed pause…? The question was intriguing. A challenge. Could he draw the gamer's mind from the game?

Matt scowled as Mello slid his arms around him.

"I say, Matty, you've actually got meat on your bones."

"Mhmm. Dammit, why was that gambit set like…" Mumble mumble.

Mello's hands drifted up to the redhead's chest, drawing abstract designs.

"More meat on your bones means more for me to lick."

"What the hell, Balthier?" Matt yelped. Sounds of cure were soon heard. Oh how Mello _despised_ getting ignored. He started kissing his neck, licking and sucking as he saw fit. Still no reactions. He snaked an arm to play with Matt's hair as he began nibbling his ear. There was a mutter of don't-you-dare-die-on-me-Ashe, and Mello gave up as a phoenix-down was administered. It wasn't that he couldn't do it, surely. He was just tired. That was all.

_And that was when Mello realilzed that though both of them had been through rough patches, they were still the same inseparable chocoholic and gamer from Whammy's House._


	12. How They Got By

**How They Got By- Chapter Twelve**

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They were lying on the carpet of the apartment the next week, draped across each other. It was dawn, which was one of their favorite times of day. It wasn't because of the 'new beginning' shit at all. In fact, Matt hated beginnings. But he and Mello both loved sunrise and dusk. With them came a separate palette, a different perspective, a unique calm. The air smelled different.

Matt got up and flung the windows open, and Mello followed.

They spoke idly. This was their time. There was an unspoken rule—you couldn't speak about the case, the Mafia, or anything related during a time like this. This was their time to play make-believe.

Sometimes they were a normal eighteen and nineteen year old, sometimes they were in India, drinking tea in the spiced Eastern air, sometimes they were in the Canadian Rockies snowed in, and others, they were spending a night in Egypt, land of mysteries and myth, the streets claimed as theirs.

Perhaps it was because neither of them had had the opportunity to remember that they _were_ just an eighteen and nineteen year old in L.A. Perhaps that was simply their way of saying 'I love you' in many more words. Neither knew, or really cared. It was their time, and that was really all that mattered to them.

They sat at the open window on this particular morning, leaning out, pretending to not have a care in the world. Mello was drinking his morning hot chocolate, Matt, his strong black coffee. They were smiling. For no reason whatsoever other than the fact that they were happy. Matt's goggles sat on his forehead. He was quickly getting better about them. Mello turned to him and kissed his cheek.

"Mell?" Matt said, his voice only just audible.

"Hm?"

"I'm glad I found you. It was sort of like… coming home, as stupid as it sounds."

"Nah, that's not stupid at all," there was a softness to Mello's voice that came only during this snapshot interval of their day, or at dusk. "You know, Matt, I'm glad you found me too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Sort of like finding a puppy that ran away… but a little bit backwards. Maybe I should just call you Lassie," he smirked, and took a long drink from his mug.

"You call me Lassie _once_ and I'll strangle you with my broken PS2 controller."

Mello laughed. It was a free, unburdened laugh that made a warm feeling settle in Matt's stomach. He took a drink of his coffee (which was in his favorite Darth Vader mug), and slid an arm around the blonde as the sun's rays bathed them in light.

"Matt?"

"Yup?"

"You know, I love you."

"I know," Matt said. Mello had never needed to say it. It was all simply understood. "I love you too."

They both took another long drink, enjoying their sunrise in 'Shanghai'.

_And that was how they got by._


	13. When They Both Decided

**When They Both Decided- Chapter 13**

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**

Matt rolled his chair over to Mello's. They were in the computer room that Matt had set up with a complex network wired up. They had been working all day. The game slid his arms around Mello, looking a little tired.

"Hey, let's take a break," he said, leaning his head on the other's shoulder.

"No, we're-"

"Fine. I'm gonna make ramen. I'm starving," Matt abruptly let him go, and Mello looked up to watch him leave the room silently.

"You're so pissy," Mello muttered.

"Hypocrite," Matt called from the kitchen, from which the sounds of him taking out his ramen pan were heard.

"Whatever," Mello scoffed.

A while later, when Matt was eating his (perfectly cooked) ramen, Mello came out and sat at their worn table. He ate a piece of chocolate as he leaned back in the chair.

"I'm waiting for something to load," he said.

"Gotcha."

Matt belched loudly.

Mello gave him a 'what the fuck' sort of look.

"Matt, that was-"

"'Scuse me," Matt shrugged and continued eating. Mello rolled his eyes, snapping off another bit of chocolate.

"Wonder if I can still burp the alphabet…"

"Matt, you _can't_ be fuckin' serious."

"No, seriously! I bet I can!"

"I don't give a damn, it's-" he was interrupted by A, B, C, D, "Shut the fuck up!" but he couldn't keep a straight face.

"Fine, fine," Matt said, smirking. It was his turn to roll his eyes. It was one of their 'moments', when Matt decided it was his job to keep Mello's mind off of the case.

Mello got up as Matt finished off the last of his ramen and sat on his lap.

"So, you come here often?"

"Maybe," Matt said, drawing out the 'a'. He chuckled and kissed Mello's neck, since his cheek was too high to reach without effort.

"Ohoo," Mello chuckled and leaned down to give him a soft sweet kiss, "You taste like ramen."

"You _always_ taste like chocolate."

"Always?" Another kiss.

"Mhmm." Matt grinned up at him.

"So, Lassie-" and with that Mello was shoved onto the floor, straddled and-

"NO. You're cheating! M-Matt—stop! Seriously! God, I hate you s-so much! Stoppit!" Mello shouted between bouts of laughter as Matt attacked the only ticklish spot on the blonde's body. His neck.

_And that was when they decided that even though they both acted like twelve-year-olds sometimes, it was so worth it._


	14. How Matt Broke Again

**How Matt Broke Again- Chapter 14**

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**

Matt lay on the stained gray carpet, battered, bleeding in a few places, bright hazel-green eyes wide.

Mello stood a short distance from him, also bruised up, from when Matt had stood up for himself.

Mello also held Matt's goggles in his hand. Ready to break them.

"Please don't! I'm sorry, I didn't- I didn't!"

The quiet crack was the sound of the goggles getting broken, deafening to Matt, and was also the sound of his heart simultaneously breaking.

He slammed the door on his way out.

Mello watched in grim silence, not sure if he felt satisfied, or just guilty. But Matt always came back. Always.

There was something about the look in those eyes that was making him doubt it.

Had he really gone too far this time?

* * *

Matt ran down the pathway, slipping and sliding on the wet pavement. Images of flames ravaging the sky plagued him, and he kept running, farther and farther away.

_They lied. Constantly. There was no one who could tell him differently. Everyone had always lied to him. Said they didn't know what was wrong with him, that there had to be something wrong with him. Mail—Matt?—simply didn't care. Blood ran down his forehead. Surely the new cut would cross another, older scar, and create a new one. Hazel-green eyes were filled with panic. He could hear footsteps following him. He had to get out of here._

No-Matt. He was Matt. He could _smell_ the smoke though. He reached up and felt the thin scars just beneath his hairline. No one was after him. Wait—Mello would be angry at him for leaving, wouldn't he? Matt slipped into an alley, convincing himself that he was being reasonable, not paranoid. Who know what levels Mello would go to?

Stop. Matt, stop. He loves you, you dickface.

But he was Mello, all the same.

He knew he wouldn't be acting like this if those goggles hadn't been broken. He'd always had them if he needed them, his little filter to filter out the lies. His defense.

He knew he wasn't bugged or tracked, since before now Mello would definitely have let him know it. He knew Mello like that. Matt leaned his head against the brick wall behind him, and looked up. The sky was shockingly blue.

Lies.

He got up, wiping blood from his mouth, and kept running. He wasn't going to let himself get found this time. No. He wasn't going to go back to what semi-safety he had. Oh no. He was just going to get lied to, and used. Again.

Like he always had been.

_And that was how Matt broke again._

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A/N: Okay, sorry that was short. I just wanted a cliffhanger. I'm a terrible person, aren't I? Tee hee. Positively dreadful. Also, I wanted to thank everyone who has given such lovely reviews, BrittMari, Salvi, and Peppermint Mocha in particular. Thanks guys! You rock my socks.

_-Pickles_


	15. How Matt Returned

**How Matt Returned- Chapter Fifteen**

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It took Mello eight days to find him.

He was in an alley, curled up under a blanket someone had given him, since it was getting to be chilly at night.

Mello slowly walked over, "Matt?" he said quietly, half afraid to shake him awake, and frighten him away. His heart was pounding an uneven rhythm against his ribcage. "Mail?"

His eyes snapped open.

"Y-you—" Matt stuttered, trying to scoot away across the trash and filth. The look of fear in Matt's eyes cut at Mello. He held out the goggles. The blonde had fixed them while waiting for Matt to come home. But after three days… he hadn't come home. Mello had used the Mafia connections he had ("Never mind why, just find the fucking kid!"), to find Matt. And still it took him five more days.

Matt snatched them and slid them on, as though he wasn't quite sure they were really fixed, and didn't care.

The warm glow they instilled on the world- he was safe. Yes, he was safe.

No lies.

"Are you okay, Mail?" Mello asked, inching cautiously closer. He couldn't stand the distance, though. In all honesty, he looked about as bad as Matt did. Normally vain Mello had unkept hair, bloodshot, red-rimmed, shadowed eyes, and looked worried and tired.

"I'm fine, Mihael," Matt said, which was far from the truth, just like when he had first come back to Mello.

"No, no you're not. Look—what I said was. Well, stupid and not true. I need you to stay. Please? You're… the only thing around he that keeps me remembering that I'm… me. That I'm just another person in the world." Matt looked up at him, and slowly got up. There was still dried blood in his hair that you could only spot because there were spots where his crimson locks were matted together.

"So… you _lied._" The accusing words slipped from his mouth.

Mello's eyes widened. If he didn't get Matt to come back with him now, he wasn't sure he'd be able to find him again.

"Yeah. I'm not going to make an excuse though. It was wrong, and I know it was. But… no more lies. No more secrets. Just—just come back with me, please. I—I love you, Matt." Matt watched him warily, as if trying to decide if this was a lie too. He slid his thin arms around Mello, "I know," he whispered, his voice finally revealing just how exhausted he was.

It took a lot of effort to run away from Mello.

Matt and Mello walked home, side by side. Close, but not too close, and not too far apart.

There was still a lot to be mended.

* * *

"You fucking _cleaned?_ OCD freak," Matt scoffed as he entered the apartment.

"I was bored and scared shitless!"

"So you _cleaned?_ Heaven forbid the apartment goes to hell when you're an emotional wreck!"

Mello couldn't help it—he laughed. He laughed until his sides hurt, while Matt gave him a faint smile.

They down on the shabby couch and stared at the opposite wall. Oh how awkward and uncertain the air was. Nearly palpably.

"I love you too," Matt said suddenly.

"What?" Mello jerked his gaze over to look at the redhead.

"You know, the stuff you said… a lot of it is true."

"No, Matt, no it's not."

"But-"

"Shut up. The reason you came to me in Whammy's was because _I_ was lonely. I didn't have any friends besides you. I didn't want them. But you were interesting. Something that distracted me from trying to beat Near—and really, I hated you for it. When I told you we were friends, it was so I could keep an eye on you, keep you subservient, so you wouldn't surpass me. You never did, and I forgot the 'reason' and just started to actually be your friend.

"I know," Matt said to the blonde's surprise, "And I let you because I needed someone to follow. I'd always been looking for somebody. You just seemed… appropriate. You weren't like anybody I'd ever met before. No one was as starkly honest as you, Mell."

"Yeah?"

"Mhmm. You seemed pretty cool."

Silence for another few moments, and then Matt spoke up again.

"You… really need me here?"

"Yeah, I just… you keep me sane."

Matt leaned against Mello, images of their fight; the most violent they'd ever had flashing like film through his mind.

_~"I don't need you, you stupid bastard! I only kept you around for all this time 'cause you were one of the few people that know my name!" Blow after blow. Matt struggled, and threw Mello against the wall._

_"I only came along for the same reason! I don't give a shit about you! After all, you're never gonna beat Near!" Mello flew at Matt and the two tore at each other until Mello had ripped the goggles from Matt's head, and Matt lay on the ground.  
_

_"Fine then," Mello said coolly, and Matt had never seen so much… anger in his icy eyes, "Then I'll help your pathetic need for security go away, shall I? These goggles L gave you were nothing more than feeding it anyway. L never cared about you."_

_Crack.~_

Matt gently kissed Mello's bruised cheek.

_And that was how Matt returned—even if Mello was not completely forgiven._

_

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A/N: Well, I hope that made up for the cliffhanger. That was rather fun, wasn't it? Again, thanks to everyone who's read this- you keep me writing! Particularly to everyone who has reviewed, again. Kudos to you! ;D Sorry for the long wait for these last couple chapters, A.D.D struck again.

Hope you have enjoyed,

_-Pickles_


	16. When Mello Shattered

**When Mello Shattered- Chapter Sixteen**

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A few days later, Matt woke to the fact that Mello was not beside him. He sat bolt upright and looked around. No Mello. He threw the covers off and ran out and—

"Nice boxers."

Mello was making chocolate chip pancakes with chocolate swirls made by chocolate syrup. Matt ran a hand through his hair, trying to conceal his panic, and leaned against the doorframe in his (Pikachu) boxers.

"Oh shut up," Matt groaned.

"I made you coffee."

Matt gratefully dragged himself to the counter and poured his coffee into his #1 Gamer mug, took a long drink, refilled, and sat down.

Mello sat down shortly after and slid him a plate heaped with pancakes. He poured chocolate syrup all over his own. He started eating, and looked up at Matt—and realized suddenly that there were small scars above his eyebrow and on his cheekbone from where he had torn away the redhead's goggles.

"Hey, Matt?"

"Hm?" he spoke through a mouth full of pancakes.

"I'm sorry." The words were uncomfortable coming from his lips. Matt continued his steady gaze.

"I know." A pause. "I'm sorry too."

"But… but you-"

"You're not forgiven yet. It's not as simple as you think it is, Mello. You're just looking at the details and not the big picture. You're a detective, I'm sure you'll figure it out."

Matt never once lowered his gaze.

There was something that told Mello that once again, he would have to regain the trust and loyalty of his lover.

"I'm gonna be gone for a few days. I want the new system up and running."

"Alright. Update everything, then?"

"Yeah."

They ate in silence.

* * *

Matt pulled his goggles up to peer at his work. Rewiring was always something he'd liked to do. And now, this computer was definitely not a pile of shit anymore. He'd worked a miracle. He looked around, and then, when satisfied, slid his goggles back on, and took a bite of his Hot Pocket.

It was about time for Mello to get back.

Matt put his Hot Pocket back onto the pile of papers that was threatening to avalanche in the room and got up to go to the door to unlock it.

But there were voices outside.

"I'll settle the deal tomorrow."

Mello's voice was low and dangerous, almost a hiss.

Matt froze.

"You're gonna settle it _now._"

"Didn't I just say that I'd do it _tomorrow_?" this time, Mello's voice was truly a hiss, and there was the sound of a gun's safety getting clicked off. Then—

Click, click, click, click.

Shit, did Mello have to be such a boar-headed idiot sometimes? Honestly, Mello could be the stupidest genius Matt had ever met sometimes. And he'd met a lot of geniuses. But Mello… could just be so smart he was dumb sometimes.

Matt pulled his gloves on and shoved a handgun in the pocket of his vest. He opened the door, lighting a cigarette. He hadn't had one in a while. Mello had his gun pointed at one of the thugs, and all four of them had their guns trained on Mello's head. Matt pulled his own out and pointed it parallel to Mello's.

"Hey, Matt," Mello said, his voice turning almost playful.

"Hey, Mello," Matt said, his voice matching the blonde's, "Looks like you've got some people pissed off at you."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"If Mello's not doing what he's supposed to, why not take it up with the Don?" Matt rolled his eyes lazily. The thugs spluttered and looked at their 'leader'.

"Chicken," Mello smirked. He took a step forward, the barrel of his gun prodding the thug's forehead.

"You blow my head off, there will be a fuckload of pissy people after you," Mello said matter-of-factly.

The thug snorted and did something that was so dumb, neither Matt nor Mello anticipated it. He lowered his gun and shot Mello in the side.

Matt knew he had to stay perfectly calm.

He also knew that if he shot them all, it would be hell to hide. He put his gun under the leader's chin, his eyes narrowed and hard.

"You take your friends, and you go. I'll be watching you on the security cameras. You get your ass out of here. If I see your face on these premises again, I'll take you down. I haven't got ties with anyone, and will suffer no consequences at all for ripping your guts out. Go." The thug seemed to sense the truth to his words, and sauntered off, the other three following him.

Mello clung to the doorframe, blood already down to his thigh.

"C'mon, we need to get you-"

"Stop." Matt froze. "Don't you dare fucking touch me." With that, Mello tried to pull himself into the apartment.

Matt put his arm around Mello anyway, ignoring him. He felt the cool metal of the end of Mello's gun against the back of his head.

Matt continued half carrying him in, and Mello still didn't take the gun from his head.

"Stop it, I can-"

"Mello, come on, you just got shot."

"I'm well aware of that!" he stumbled to the kitchen table, panting, hanging his head.

Matt took the first aid kit from one of the cabinets, and when he turned back, he knew that there was something really, really wrong.

There were tears hitting the linoleum floor, and he knew they weren't from pain. He knew that caring for Mello when he was hurt was similar to caring for a wounded wildcat or something—but he had never been… scared like this before. Mello had never, ever genuinely scared him.

Not before now.

_And that was when Mello shattered._

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A/N: I'm a terrible person. I really am. Anyway, music. Wonder what songs I write this to? This chapter was written to "My Darling Curse" by Magnet. It's a lovely MattxMello song, thanks to Peppermint Mocha for it. Chapter fifteen was written to "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie. Another great song. ^_^ Just in case anyone was curious, and if you weren't curious, well, now you know, don't you?


	17. When the Boundaries Were Reset

**When the Boundaries Were Reset- Chapter 17**

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"Mello?" Matt knelt beside him and pulled his goggles onto his forehead.

"Go away, Matt," the blonde choked out.

"No, I'm not gonna when you're like this," he gamer said cautiously. He needed to take care of that wound… He inched closer and tugged at the zipper of Mello's leather vest. His hand was smacked away. "Mello…" he pleaded, at a loss of what to do. He tried again and Mello grabbed his arm and _twisted_. Matt cried out in pain and his arm was released. "You idiot! I'm not gonna let you bleed to death on the kitchen floor!"

"Why not?" Mello looked up, the redness of his eyes only making the blue of his irises that much more intense.

"I love you, that's why," Matt said, puzzled, searching the blonde's eyes for the key.

"Liar."

The word was like acid flung into his face.

"I'm the one with mendaciloquimphobia* here- Mello don't do this, please…" Matt whispered. Mello snorted at him.

"Then why didn't you come back? Why won't you forgive me? Don't I deserve at least that?" Mello's voice sounded desperate, though his eyes were still furious, and were now a little unfocused.

"I—let me talk as I bandage you."

"No!"

"I-I didn't come back because I was… just wrapped up in shit from the past. I couldn't get things straight at all… Running was too much like when I ran that night. Like getting thrown out of my parents' house… It wasn't you, Mell, it was just my ghosts."

"Then _why_—"

"You broke my shield against my past. I know that it's stupid that I rely on them so much, but I've gotten better, haven't I? I'm trying, and I still can't please you! You acted like it was nothing…"

Mello was silent for a moment as Matt took a drag from his cigarette.

"That's not true. I knew I'd gone too far, but I didn't come after you because I thought you'd come back…"

"All the same you broke them. But you know what, Mello?" I still love you. I can't _not_ love you. Even while running from you, not all of me was. If I'd really wanted to go, you know perfectly well I'dve been out of the country by nightfall. I couldn't let myself get more than a hundred blocks from you. I knew it wasn't… you know… over. I was just… I don't know…"

Mello shoved the first-aid kit at him.

Matt opened it, and got up to grab some paper towels from the counter and a washcloth. He wet them with cool water and brought it over, sitting in the chair beside Mello. He took his gloves off, threw his cigarette in a dirty ashtray on the table, and proceeded to unzip Mello's ruined vest. This time, Mello did not throw his hand away.

It looked damned painful.

Really, the thug must've been high or something to have only given Mello a dreadful gash- and miss all his vital organs. But the gash was surrounded by an equally dreadful burn, since the shot had been at such a close range. Mello winced as with a team effort, they got the vest off.

"So, you're still not over all that shit?"

"No, I'm just not as bad as I used to be, you know that."

"You're eighteen and you-"

"It was just the lies that fucked me up so badly. Or, what I thought was lies… I still don't really know what the hell was going on back then. I talk about it now, right? I don't always have to wear the goggles. As long as I've got them, I'm okay.

"Ouch! Watch what you're doing!" Mello snapped.

"I am, bitch."

For some odd reason, Mello found this hilarious.

Matt decided it was blood loss starting to really get to him. He cleaned the wound as gently as he could using hydrogen peroxide, and found some ointment that had something in it that numbed. He didn't know they'd had any, but it certainly was good stuff. The bandages came after across the blonde's narrow muscular chest, and Matt was satisfied.

"Alright, Mell, let's get you to bed."

"M'fine, Matty."

"Do I have to remind you of the fact that you've just been shot?"

Mello scowled and Matt helped him to their bed.

"You want something to drink?" Mello nodded to him, eyes going unfocused again. Matt got him some water and ibuprofen, but when he got back to the bedroom, Mello's breathing was quiet and his eyes were closed. He put them on the table, walked around the bed, and laid down beside him.

However, he spent a long time watching the traffic on the streets below, the lights from the shops glinting off windshields, before falling asleep himself.

_And that was when the boundaries and hazy restrictions were shifted._

_

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**A/N:** Wow, I am so sorry that took so long! D: I don't know what got into me. Lack of inspiration I suppose, or something. It's also that time of the semester when teachers seem to load on projects, you know? Urgh. I've got five right now, I think. That's five too many. So, hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thank you for sticking with me on this thing if you have. 3 You're cool.


	18. When They Came to Another Understanding

It took Mello a while to get better, and naturally, Matt cared for him the whole time.

But now he was all better.

On this particular night, the redhead was playing Final Fantasy XII again. Mello slid off of the couch and _attacked_ him. He shoved Matt onto the floor and heard the satisfying noise of the controller getting unplugged.

"Mello!" Matt shouted angrily, but Matt was silenced from protesting further by a torrent of kisses and he pulled himself on top of the blonde.

Game over music rang out.

"Hell no!" Mello tugged Matt back down, relentless.

Matt was going to get back at him. He pinned Mello to the ground. He used the blonde's moment of brief surprise to take control of the situation. He pulled his goggles off, and Mello was almost as startled as when he was pinned, by the intense emotions Matt's eyes revealed. Was Matt really plagued by this 'mindociloquimphobia', or did he just want to hide feelings as they came to him, his goggles filtering the rest of the world's view _in_ rather than shutting the world out? Yes. It wasn't that Matt was _shy_ or anything like that, he just preferred… privacy? Yes, the lies had to just be even more incentive to keep the goggles on. More of a reason. Justification. But Mello would let him be, like he always did.

Right now he had a battle of dominance underway, and since he wasn't quite at his best yet, Matt had the upper hand. They had reversed positions often enough and Matt's movements over him were completely sure, and demanding, even.

And as always, Mello got exactly what he wanted. Matt could be predictable and at the same time he wasn't. His kisses, whether the redhead realized it or not, were always intense with feelings he kept to himself and Mello could never get enough.

He loved his gamer dearly.

Matt tugged his black shirt off and momentarily paused, his fingers just barely tracing over the news scar that had formed on his side. He took the other's hand away from the distraction, interlacing their fingers as he kissed him, reassuring him again that he was fine, without words.

Mello watched as Matt leaned up giving him a little strip tease as he pulled his vest and striped shirt off slowly, keeping perfect eye contact the whole time. He lay back down across Mello's chest as the blonde slid his arms in a smooth, perfect motion, his fingers tracing Matt's spine. He shivered at Mello's touch and he smirked through their kisses. Matt grabbed his hands and once again pinned them to the ground.

"Tease," Mello accused, sounding a little breathless.

"Shut up. You're really one to talk," Matt chuckled, "You're not only a tease, you're a sadistic one."

"Possibly," Mello said. There was no hint of denial at all in his eyes. He struggled a little under Matt as his neck and collarbone was kissed, testing his grip. Matt lightly bit the sensitive skin of his neck, a small gasp slipping from him.

"C'mon, Matty, you know I like it rougher than this," he said challengingly, "Or do I have to plea 'harder!' like a little school girl?"

Yes, he could tell that Matt was envisioning him in a little skirt.

Matt bit his neck so hard he squirmed out of reflex. He opened his eyes again and the redhead had a smirk plastered on his face.

"Did I tell you that you could talk?"

Mello chuckled and wrapped his legs around Matt's waist. Matt let go of one of Mello's arms, reached off to the side for something, and Mello scowled-

"That's my chocolate, you bastard!"

"Shut up, you want me to eat it all?" Matt asked as he took another bite, and then leaned down to kiss him again.

It was pure bliss.

It wasn't as though they hadn't done this before, but most of those times they had admittedly had a few too many drinks. Mello smirked as his side of the kissing became more dominant as he attempted to get his chocolate back.

Matt put the bar aside, broke the kiss, and placed smaller ones down his chest, licking and biting until he had reached Mello's pants. He undid the laces with his mouth alone, a feat Mello knew he was proud of.

He tugged Mello's pants down and took him into his mouth. He groaned loudly, fingers grasping silken crimson locks, yanking, breathing getting faster.

Matt sucked and licked, lightly dragged his teeth, all the while holding Mello's hips. Then suddenly, the warmth was gone when he deemed he was done, and Matt was looking up at him with that _smirk._

"Do you want it?"

"Matt you-"

He raked his fingers down Mello's sides.

"Yes!" he shouted, the look in Matt's eyes, lusty, full of emotion, driving him _wild_. Matt reached up and grabbed lube from the table beside their worn couch and spread a little on his fingers, warming it before forcing it into Mello's entrance, kissing him hard, rubbing their tongues together. A second finger. A third. Frenzied kisses and loud moans. Matt pulled his fingers from Mello and thrust in, immediately snapping his hips, Mello's moans getting more impatient as everything went faster. Mello held onto Matt's shoulders, both of them crushing against each other, skin on skin.

Matt came shortly after Mello, both crying out as bliss washed over them. The rush faded and Matt pulled out. They lay against one another, and after a time, silence descended on them, once their breaths had steadied. Matt laid his head in the crook of Mello's neck.

"Hey, Matt?" Mello whispered.

"Hm?" he said, looking up.

Mello ran his hands through Matt's hair almost… tenderly.

"Love you."

"Love you too."

_And that was when they came to another understanding, that sometimes, you just had to let it be._


	19. When Things Were Going to Go Downhill

**When Things Were Going to Go Downhill**- **Chapter Twenty**

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**

Matt and Mello sat on the couch, both working on laptops.

"Hey, new updates," Matt broke the heavy silence that had fallen between them.

Mello nodded.

"You're addicted to something again. Aren't you?" he asked, eyes perfect rings of ice.

"What makes you think that?" Matt asked tersely.

"You're acting weird. You're thinking a lot, spending more time out—and not playing your games as much."

"So your explanation for this phenomenon is that I'm on something."

"Yeah. It is."

"You're a paranoid bastard, Mello. I'm not on anything."

"Oh yeah?" Mello's voice was a challenge.

"Do you want me to take a damned test for you?" he glared.

Mello knew how much he _hated_ those things. Matt looked out the window, watching the traffic.

"Things are on the move, Matty."

"Yeah, I know."

"I'm not gonna be around as much for a while."

"I figured."

"Near's pace is picking up too."

"So you're going to do something insane, rash, and irrational to get things done first?"

"Oh darling, how did you know?" Mello said with a cocky grin.

Matt snickered.

"Just make sure to call every night and give me a kiss and wish me sweet dreams, m'kay?"

"Pfft, you're already dreaming."

They laughed—but it was an uneasy laughter that fell quickly back into the heavy silence of before.

* * *

It was odd, coming home to no Mello.

Matt had finished Final Fantasy XII, gone and bought new games, beaten them, worked on the computers, worked on _other_ people's computers for some extra cash, and done a lot of thinking. What was Mello doing?

It had been _two weeks._

Matt had been left in L.A. with hardly anything to do.

He pulled on an old t-shirt and his goggles. He had to go somewhere, do something, and talk to someone before he went mad. He hadn't realized just how accustomed he was to having Mello's presence. This was a freedom he wasn't exactly accustomed to either. Being able to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, with no one to say no. He grabbed the keys to his car (his lovely car) and a pack of cigarettes, shoving them in one of his pockets. Where to go? It was dark—or getting there. He ran a hand absentmindedly through his hair as he got into his car, disregarding the slightly chilly air.

He drove around for a while, but eventually found himself in once familiar settings. He hadn't been to these apartments in... a long time. He got out of his car, locked it, and let his feet direct him along a path he knew too well, even now. He came to a door, a particularly familiar door. He knocked on it.

"Amaryllis?"

She opened the door.

"Matt?" she said quietly, warm brown eyes wide.

"How have you been?" he asked, scratching the back of his neck.

"Fine. Did you find him?"

"Yeah—yeah, about a year ago."

"That's great! How are things going?"

"Well, considering how fucked-up we both are, you know?"

"Come on in! You want some coffee, like always?" she said, smirking a little.

"That'd be great," he smiled.

Matt and Amaryllis had known each other for an awfully long time. Amaryllis had taken Matt in for a while when he was still looking for Mello, and they had actually been a couple for a little while. But really, they were more two souls looking for some semblance of comfort and security than anything else. They always knew that it wasn't serious, that they either were waiting, or searching for someone else with desperation. They knew each other quite well.

Amaryllis tucked her dark hair behind her ear, a bright pink and purple streak coming along with it.

"How is he?"

"Same as always."

"What are those little scars on your brow?"

"Oh- nothing."

"I'm gonna kick that bitch's ass."

Matt laughed, "Fell into a rough patch right before I found him," he lied.

"Those look pretty new."

"It's all right," he muttered, and she led him into the kitchen, where he automatically sat on the counter, and she began making coffee.

"So, where is he?" she asked.

"Been gone for two weeks."

"When's he gonna be back?"

"I dunno," he said, sighing, "How have you been? What have you been doing?"

"I'm- I'm going to college," she said with a slightly bashful smile.

"Testing out, you mean?"

"No- learning new things. I'm getting a degree in marine biology."

"That's great, Ryllis."

"Yeah- I'm excited. Coffee's ready!" she said cheerily, taking two mugs out of her cabinet. They were two, plain white ones.

They sat, talking idly. Suddenly, Amaryllis paused.

"You know, I'm glad I'm doing this."

"What?" he said, looking up.

"Going to college."

"Is it giving up?"

"No. Taking an opportunity. I was getting shaped into something… I'd never be."

"You know… I should probably go. I dunno when he'll be back, so…"

"Alright, see you around, M Two," she smiled.

"See you around, A Two."

* * *

_Dear Mello,_

_I hope this letter will make it to you in time. I wish to apologize. There have been many misunderstandings between you and me over the years. From when we arrived at Wammy's on. I'm sorry. Please understand that I never considered you anything less than my equal. You have different methods than me; perhaps that's what the world needs._

_This letter doesn't express my thoughts as thoroughly as I hoped it would._

_I remember when we were friends, before the rivalry became our priority. Do you, Mello? To be honest, I miss those days. Before Matt arrived. Yes, I am slightly jealous, a childish whim that I can't quite make subside. However, life, must as always, go on._

_Matt wasn't the only one who referred to you as the broken angel. Many of us did. The tragic hero. You always have been, to all of us. Never mind. Perhaps it is harder to convey what I mean than I thought._

_Your friend,_

_Near_

_

* * *

  
_

Mello flung open the door, a paper clenched in his fist, crumpled. His face was a mixture of agony and fury. He stormed past Matt, who looked up after pausing his game. Mello was back.

"Mello? Mell, what's—"

"Burn it. Get rid of it. Do something. That stupid albino bastard—fucking—stupid little—damned—" Mello raged, eyes wild. Matt took the paper from him and put his arms around the blonde. Mello, for once, was just so aggravated he simply leaned against Matt, breathing hard.

"Why does he have to do this?"

"He's too logical not to."

"I hate him."

"C'mon, I got you some good chocolate while you were gone." Matt led Mello into the kitchen by his hand and pulled three chocolate bars from the cabinet. Mello lazily unwrapped the chocolate, sitting at the table. Matt sat across from him, sighing again.

"I have to go again. In a week."

"Hey, Mell?"

"Hm?" Snap.

"I visited A."

"Really?" icy eyes were now full of suspicion, mistrust.

"She's going to college—marine biology."

"Why the fuck do I care?"

"I just… thought it was weird. You know? She's just going to be… Amaryllis, not A."

"Do you want to do that, Matt?"

"No! I mean, if we both could… you know… I'd never leave."

"Better give up your wistful thinking," Mello said with hollow eyes.

"Yeah… It's just weird, thinking that… that if we didn't go to Wammy's, we'd be in college, and-"

"Shut up." Snap.

"Fine, I won't talk to you," Matt said quietly, and went back to his game in the other room.

A little while later, Matt felt Mello slide his arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry, Matty," he said, nuzzling against him.

"Me too… I shouldn't have-"

"No. I should have listened. I don't very often, do I? I'm sorry. I'm trying though… I am…"

"I know."

_And that was when Matt knew that things were going to start a rapid downhill tumble, down into some dark abyss._

_

* * *

_

**A/N:** Heeeey! Finished with four of five school projects. Note: This was definitely edited while listening to the Lord of the Rings soundrack. I win. w Hope you enjoyed. Note 2: Amaryllis just happened. I've no idea who she is. She just seemed to fit... and sort of walked in. Or Matt went to her or- I just need to go to bed. XD Good night!


	20. When Mello Knew That Their Lives

**Their Lives Slid on the Blade of a Knife- Chapter Twenty**

* * *

Matt woke to Mello shaking him awake, just before dawn.

"We're leaving."

"What…?" he groaned, sitting up.

"We just killed a shitload of the SPK, and I'm taking precautions," Mello growled, dragging him out of the bed.

"Okay, I'll get the-"

"Leave what you can. Erase the computers that you leave behind."

"I know, I know…"

Mello had some strange look in his eyes.

"Mell… did you write?"

"No, got some worthless idiot to do it. Move, Matt!" he shoved him again, "What are you waiting for? Twenty minutes, get your fucking ass going!"

"Alright!" Matt pulled his clothes on as quickly as he could, and started packing up. He and Mello had been in this apartment for a good long time, and things had indeed started accumulating. Handheld gaming devices… check… laptops… he packed in a few external hard drives that held all of their other information that was important, just in case something like this happened. He put them all in his ancient messenger bag.

"Twenty minutes is up. Let's go. Out," Mello snapped, holding a duffel bag of his own.

"I'm still erasing-"

"Just rip something out of it for God's sake! Is it really that hard?" he snarled and kicked the computers over hard enough that something broke in each one of them. Matt jumped when he did it, holding onto the strap of his bag, avoiding Mello's eyes. "Out! Get the keys. We're going just out of town to a hotel for a while, and we'll wait there for whatever happens next." Matt grabbed his keys, and they got in the car. The streetlights danced along its red paint as they passed, glimmering for a moment before vanishing at the end of the car, an endless line along its smooth surface. Mello stared out the window, deep in thought.

What the hell was going on?

Mello looked so… anxious.

"Mell… what's-"

"Everything is going exactly how it was planned," Mello said. Snap. There was a bar of chocolate in the blonde's hand in the pre-dawn light.

And Matt had no coffee, and Mello would shoot him if he smoked in the car.

His stomach rumbled.

"Can we-"

"No, we're not stopping. You'll have to eat when we get there, and get your damn coffee fix there too."

"Hotel coffee is _shit_."

"Deal with it, Matty."

Matt knew that tone. Low, dangerous, nearly a purr. He knew better than to argue- for his own sake.

Half an hour later they arrived at an old run-down looking hotel that seemed to be a step below the previous apartment. It was grimy, and not was people generally envisioned in sunny L.A.

"_Really_?" Matt said skeptically. Mello got out of the car, tight leather and neat appearance strikingly out of place- yet he seemed perfectly at ease, and perfect amongst the grime and filth.

'Fallen hero'. Near's words rang through Mello's mind. He'd show Near. He'd show who was really fallen.

Matt got out and stood beside him, watching him out of the corners of his eyes. There was a strange air of finality settling in.

They checked in to room ninety-two.

Matt snickered at the bed.

"That's a small bed, Mello, and there's only one."

"Guess you'll have to sleep on the floor, Lassie."

"You shut up!" Matt shouted—but he was smiling.

Matt pulled a pack of cigarettes out and Mello scowled.

"Non smoking room, Matt."

"Oh fuck you," he groaned and opened up a window.

"Yes please," Mello chuckled, stretching out luxuriously on the itchy covers of the bed. Matt leaned out the window as he lit up. Morning coffee was next in order. He finished his cigarette off and got up to make smack-you-in-the-face strong coffee.

"There's been a slight change in plans," Mello said, looking off to the side. They could hear some guy and some girl, screaming at each other down the hall.

"Hm?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow. Get the basics set up while I'm gone, m'kay?"

"How long?"

"Not long. Should be back some time in the night."

"M'kay." Matt leaned on the counter, watching the steady drip, drip, drip of the coffee maker. Hotel coffee was still shit.

_And that was when Mello knew that at this point, their lives were just slipping along the blade of a knife .If he tripped, veins would be slit open._

_

* * *

_

**A/N: **Holy crap guys. I am so, so sorry it took so long. Just know that for absolute sure, the next chapter will SO be worth the wait. I hope. XD I've got another story going now too, a Zemyx that's been taking up time. I finally got all my projects done, so now things are calming down around here. Which means that the next chapter is coming much faster. Once again, so, so sorry about the long wait.


	21. Not Much Longer

**When They Realized They Didn't Have Much Longer**

**

* * *

  
**

Their lives had become hazy. The boundaries and restrictions that once held them together were now unclear, and had almost fallen away. Now it was desperation, need, and strained love that kept them from killing each other on some days.

Matt was abusing drugs again, Mello suspected ecstasy, but he did nothing—even when he found them on the counter. There as a slight… distance, even though Mello was taking precautions to keep Matt at their location more. The redhead never once took anything in his presence.

There was a scar on his face now that seemed to make everything's cost seem closer. As though the outside world was invading their tiny sanctuary. They both knew. That feeling of finality overshadowing their movements was all too revealing.

They were both more violent with each other, though there was an understanding that it was the buildup of stress that accumulated as Kira took over the world. It felt like it was only them versus the world. However, Mello was still a little careful. He knew, no matter how Matt denied it, the gamer was fraying. No matter how many times Matt told him he could take anything, Mello tried to be careful to a certain extent. He wasn't truly keen on really harming Matt. He knew that sometimes the redhead would piss him off on purpose, the wily bastard, just wanting to get off in a more violent manner.

There had been times lately where Matt couldn't calm him down, and Mello was getting progressively worse about it.

* * *

Matt and Mello held each other, tightly, covering each other with kisses and bites. Mello yanked Matt around by his vest, forcing him onto the floor.

They were in a small apartment across town from where they used to be, and they didn't know when or where they were going to go next.

Matt held onto Mello, his fingers searching for zippers on the leather vest, a frenzied attempt to touch skin. Mello tore his hands away.

"No. Do it with your _teeth_, like the dog you are," Mello commanded, smacking him. Matt obeyed, pulling off Mello's leather shirt with his teeth, cheek stinging from the blow. "Where's your collar?" Mello struck him again, pushing him away. Matt pulled his vest and shirt off, revealing a few scars Mello had inflicted on him. There was an M that stood out pink against his chest, just below his collarbone. There was a matching one on Mello's chest, but Matt's seemed to have been traced more than once.

Mello put the collar on him, one that was leather and had a ring at the front. He looped a finger through it and used it to throw him back to the ground.

"You stupid masochist," Mello smirked as he straddling him, "You love this, don't you?"

"You know me too well," Matt coughed and Mello lifted him up for a kiss by the collar.

"You're so fucked up."

"Hypocrite."

"Shut up, dog."

Matt obeyed and Mello got off of him, and dragged him back to the bedroom. He held the collar, trying to lessen the pressure so he could breathe easier. Mello pulled him up to his feet, eyes watering.

"You want it to hurt, Matty?"

"Yes!" he choked out.

"How much?"

"Make me scream."

"Beg for it. Like a dog." His scarred face was more beautiful than ever. He pulled Matt's goggles off and put them to the side. "Look me in the eyes and _beg_."

"Make it hurt, Mello, I want you to hurt me," he said, his voice raspy with want, lust.

"On your knees, you don't deserve to look at me."

Matt dropped to his knees, hanging his head. Mello kicked him down. He yelped and began picking himself up.

"No, you idiot. I didn't tell you to get up!" he kicked him back down, onto his stomach. "Go fetch me chocolate, now!" he snapped and Matt scrambled to his feet. "Not fast enough!" He was slammed into the door. He flung it open. His heart was racing, getting a rush. It was an act to a certain extent, but Mello… was just damned sexy when he was like that.

He ran back, and Mello had his smirk. The dangerous one. The one he loved. Mello stepped towards him, slowly, smoothly, tight leather pants whispering with each step, hips swaying.

"Not fast enough, dog," he purred and took the chocolate from Matt's hand. He unwrapped it, and with his teeth snapped off a bite, the sound sudden and loud in the silence. "Guess I'll have to make you scream for me after all," he said and softly kissed Matt. He melted into the blonde, the taste of the dark chocolate sending an intoxicating shudder of anticipation down his spine.

"I deserve it," Matt whispered.

"Oh, you do," Mello chuckled, voice as dark and smooth as the chocolate he ate. He snapped off another bite, icy blue eyes not leaving Matt's hazel green.

He looped his finger through the ring on the collar, and Matt was thrown against the wall. Snap. Mello set the chocolate aside on the nearby black dresser, and held Matt's arms against the wall, crushing his wrists.

"You're so tense, darling," Mello smirked, "Scared?"

"No," Matt panted.

"You probably should be, at least a little. You never know how unpredictable I might be."

He kissed Matt again, but there was nothing tender about it. Mello was merely contemplating his means of making him scream.

Oh that would be amusing.

"Pants off."

Matt obeyed as Mello released him. Mello swung a computer chair into the room. Chains were draped across his shoulder, a roll of duct tape and a blindfold in one hand.

"Sit, dog."

Matt sat in the chair, his chest leaning against the back of the chair. A blindfold was pulled over his eyes, and butterfly kisses placed along his shoulders, a shiver getting sent down his body again. He heard the tape getting unrolled. His wrists were taped together, around the chair's back. A soft kiss on his neck- and then cold metal chain around it, forcing him to lean back.

"You sure you want me to fuck with you?"

"Mello-"

"Good, 'cause you're lucky I'm just as much of a fucked up guy as you." The chains were moved and fitted across his back, securing him to the chair. Tape covered his wrists again, keeping them against the back of the chair. "You're an awful silly son of a bitch, you know that, baby?" Mello purred, running his hands through his unfortunate lover's hair. Matt smirked a little in reply. Wasn't it obvious? Fingers ghosted up his sides, feather light, leaving a slight tingling sensation behind. And then suddenly they were gone, and then the blindfold was too.

Mello was sitting on the bed, watching him, with a smirk.

Matt blinked.

"Well?"

"Change of plans. Slightly."

"W-what?" Matt's voice rose in disbelief. No way.

"Well, I've got to decide just how sadistic I'm going to be, and just how I'm going to screw you up. I'm going with the best option. You want me to fuck you up?"

"Yes."

"You'll have to wait."

"W-what?"

Mello started undoing the laces of his pants. He slowly pulled them off. Slowly, sensuously.

Realization dawned in Matt's eyes.

"Mello… you… you…"

"Oh yes, I'm serious." Mello kicked them off, stretching out luxuriously to ensure that Matt had a perfect view, and started stroking himself. Matt scowled, but of course, he couldn't look away as Mello arches his back gracefully, moaning, putting on a show. Matt thought this was horribly wonderful. So sick and twisted. Entrancing torture.

Honestly, he hurt he was so hard.

He needed friction so, so fucking badly. He tried moving, but there wasn't anything he could do. The chair's back didn't come down far enough, the bar that held it wasn't close enough, and Mello was four feet away, putting on the hottest show of jerking off.

Mello leaned his head back, closing his eyes, though Matt's face was rather priceless. He knew just how to drive him… insane.

"Oh _Matt_—" he moaned as he went at it faster, doing everything he could do to make it as erotic as possible to watch. He had made sure his hair had spilled in a messy array on the covers, and every noise he made was worthy of any whore. "Yes, _God,_ Matty!"

"Mello, you fucking_ slut_, I hate you!" Matt shouted, struggling rather violently.

Yes, Mello had to keep himself from laughing. "Oh, yes!" he moaned, pumping himself faster. He kept at it and drove himself to his climax with an extremely loud moan, thrusting into his hand—and Matt's chair toppled over. He'd been desperately trying to do _something_ to get what he wanted, and so far, nothing was working at all, and he'd just managed to fall over, which was really, really dumb in his opinion.

Mello laughed, panting a little as he wiped his hand on an old towel by the bed that just hadn't made it to the laundry yet. He rolled off the bed and pulled Matt back up.

"I bet if I touched you once you'd come for me," Mello smirked. Matt looked positively furious. Mello leaned down to ever so gently kiss his neck. "You're not that lucky though."

Mello slid a cock ring on him.

"Mello, I am going to kill you."

"Really now? You should take that back, 'cause I might decide I want to get a new bar of chocolate… go watch a movie or something… I think I'm missing some show on TV."

"Mello-don't!" Matt gasped.

"You still want me to make you hurt?"

"Yes!" he was squirming again, and Mello's smirk just got even more self-satisfied. He leaned forward and kissed Matt roughly, and there was rather suddenly a knife in his hands.

"Wanna scream?"

"Yes!" Mello noted that Matt's eyes were probably more lust-filled than he had ever seen them. Hazel-green lust.

Delicious.

Mello stepped around him, surveying the skin of his lover, slightly glistening with sweat. He sat down on the edge of the chair, legs around matt, who shuddered, trying to lean into the contact he craved so desperately.

"Oh no, dog, you don't deserve that."

He slid the edge of the knife along Matt's collarbone, just enough pressure to let blood bead up on the surface of his skin. He moved it to the redhead's shoulder, and in a deft motion it flicked across his skin. Matt gasped, wincing. Mello licked the wound's length and Matt's winces turned to groans. Mello moved up and bit his neck, drawing out another gasp.

"Noisy aren't we?" he whispered, licking and nibbling the lobe of Matt's ear. He slid his arms around him and ripped off the tape. Matt yelped and Mello quickly unchained him, grabbed the ring of the collar and dragged him up, throwing him on the bed. He held Matt's arms down, crawling over him. He was already hard again, but he wasn't quite done screwing with Matt's mind.

He licked down the line of blood on Matt's chest, down, and licked his nipple, and looked up. Mat was panting.

"Mello—fuck me now damn it!" he moaned, "Fuck me now, please!"

"Fuck me now, please?" Mello snickered, but decided that he'd probably screwed with Matt enough after all, and flipped him over.

Without preparation or lube, Mello thrust in, going fast and deep. Matt screamed, hands fisting in the covers, his hips moving, and he tried to pull off the ring, but Mello wasn't going to have it. He rolled them over, Matt groaning, caught somewhere between anger and pleasure. He held the redhead's arms back to keep him from pulling it off.

Matt wasn't really sure if this was bliss, or what.

It was Mello, that's what it was.

It was Mello, tasting of blood and chocolate, teeth and tongue on his skin, driving deep inside him, pounding his sweet spot.

Mello growled and took the ring off, and with one thrust into his hand, Matt came with another scream, this time of his lover's name, hips jerking. Mello was sent over the edge as well, with a loud cry of his own.

Their chests heaving, Mello pulled out and Matt winced a little.

"Sorry Matty, but you were begging pretty fiercely," Mello panted, and in a complete contrast to their previous actions, he cuddled against Matt, spooning him comfortably.

"Don't you dare apologize for mind-blowing sex. Ever," Matt said his voice a little bit raspy.

"We're really screwed up."

"No, really?" Matt scoffed, but he was smiling.

"I need t'patch you up, Matty-boo."

"I'm fine. And if you start calling me Matty-boo, I swear, every time you do, I'll…"

"Wow, run out of threats?"

"Yesterday I threatened you so much after you broke my Shadow of the Colossus disc I can't think of a new one."

That… had indeed been a rather nasty incident.

"Anyway, I'm fine," Matt said, and Mello decided that they probably both looked pretty exhausted. Matt kissed him slowly, softly, passionately.

"Love you, Mihael."

"I love you too, Mail."

"I'm gonna go get a drink."

"M'kay."

Matt and Mello came back to bed again, but this time they were slower, keener on just expressing love than satisfying their lust.

They leaned their foreheads together, just talking, Mello tracing words on Matt's back, smiling. It was sunset now, and they watched as it sank into dusk, Matt's vision once again filtered by an orange tint.

Tonight, it was Marseille, France.

_And that was when they knew they didn't have much longer._

_

* * *

_

**A/N:** This was so typed up while I was watching FFVII Advent Children. XD Written while learning about STDs. I was laughing so hard the whole time, and only one of my friends knew why, and she was laughing too. I let her read the notebook I write this in. And this chapter is also why it took so long to get it up.

Fun fact: They started having sex on page 69. Just to let you know. XD


	22. When the Board Was Set

**When the Board Was Set**

**

* * *

  
**

Mello +++

I knew that Japan was going to be it. The final part of everything. Matt and I had this… I don't' know. We told each other everything now because we knew it would be the end, but we kept telling each other… things we wanted to do when we got back. It was our hope—the slightest chance we might go back to that little apartment in downtown Los Angeles, our home.

The drone of the plane had lulled him to sleep, headphones on, while watching Thirty Days of Night. Typical.

But me… I couldn't sleep. All of my muscles were tense, and I couldn't relax. I ran through my plans over and over again as a matter of nerves. But I had the element of surprise on my side for a bit, right? Since Kira probably thought I hadn't survived the explosion. A wry smirk slipped onto my face, the scar tissue pulling uncomfortably. I slouched down in the seat, turning towards Matt, since people kept staring at me. I still hated the scar. It was such a blatant reminder of everything.

Matt scowled and shifted in his sleep as though something in a dream was troubling him. I slid my hand into his, slowly running my thumb along it, interlacing our fingers. He sighed, seeming to settle down at the gesture. He was sitting to my right at the window, head against the wall. His DS and PSP batteries had died, we'd eaten the food we brought along, and he couldn't smoke. He got so fidgety after a while I considered drugging him, but then, while watching his movie, he fell asleep before I knew it. I would wake him before we landed.

I could feel his ring through his glove, my own warm against my skin, a comfort through everything else. Everything. That was a word that seemed to be running through my mind a lot lately. When you know it's the end, you start thinking about everything. Not just a few things, everything at once. When you know it's the end, you start contemplating things you never worried about—like what if religions are empty, and have no meaning, and death is just a void that eats you whole, and you cease to exist, and just… are nothing? And what if some obscure religion—scientology for instance—is right, and you end up in Hell? What if you did something… truly unforgiveable? But I prayed and I tried to ask for forgiveness for what I'd done in my lifetime. But… I don't want to think about it. None of it. I don't want to worry. I had enough on my hands.

Our rings. We hadn't had an official marriage, the general consensus that it seemed overly gaudy and we'd already made enough vows to take care of each other in our lifetime that it seemed like we already were. And anyway, every minute counted now. Like what he was dreaming. What if he didn't remember it, and he didn't remember any more? What if he ended up-no. Don't think like that. The book I was reading was forgotten in my lap. Who knew what he was dreaming about anyway? Perhaps of lazy days playing soccer back at Whammy's. Or football, whichever you prefer.

If only, if only… there were too many 'if only's and 'I wish'es to count.

Perhaps this would all turn out okay in the end. We could settle down in L.A again… he could go to college like he wanted to. We could be… normal. Maybe I could set up a private eye business. He could be my Watari. Not that he hadn't always been, in his own ways.

He had always been there for me.

Always.

No matter how many times I called him worthless, stupid… and still he hadn't ever _really_ left me.

And I would always love him.

* * *

Matt +++

I slowly opened my eyes.

"Matt, you're so fucking deaf," Mello scoffed, "We're gonna land soon."

I stretched, looking at the DVD player's screen. It had returned to the menu again. When had I fallen asleep? I didn't even remember. I suddenly realized he was holding my hand, and smiled lightly. I looked out the window, watching the city race beneath the plane, the lights dancing.

"So… Japan…" I said.

"Yeah," he said noncommittally.

"I'll be glad to get home."

"Me too. Did we remember to-"

"Yes, we emptied the fridge. We won't come back to some moldy mass of queso. Chill out," I chuckled. Or… the next person to get our home wouldn't…

I wanted to go back. It took all of my willpower to step on the plane and know that I couldn't turn back. But I did it anyway. For him, of course. I would always bear scars, the weight of the world for him.

There was another one on my shoulder. Not from him. They had almost caught me when I was keeping watch on Misa.

I gave his hand a little squeeze.

* * *

Mello +++

As soon as we were on the streets, he lit up. It figured. He'd really developed a smoker's hack lately. I walked beside him, long black coat keeping me warm in the slightly chilly air. I pulled a bar of chocolate out, unwrapped it, and took a bite.

It was unfamiliar here. There were a few people who watched us as we went by- probably our unusual appearances the cause.

"Hey, can I go get some batteries?" he asked, letting out a puff of smoke that got yanked behind us by a light wind.

"Yeah," I said, nodding, and he went into a small store. He came out with batteries.

We got to the apartment we rented, rented since this wasn't to be permanent, and Matt started setting up almost out of reflex. I made him coffee and myself some hot chocolate. Now… we were just starting to spend time together. We knew…

That air of finality.

The end.

When I brought the mugs out, my hands were shaking.

* * *

Matt +++

"Hey, you okay?" I asked, taking my mug, but keeping my hand on his.

"I want to go home," he said, suddenly sounding about ten years younger.

I set my mug aside and pulled him tightly into my arms.

"Me too, Mell, me too," I said softly, reminded of our childhood. What there was of it. We were like old men now. We knew that this was it. Neither of us wanted to say it.

"I love you, Matt," he said shakily.

"C'mon… everything will be alright."

"Yeah…"

But we held each other for a little while longer than we usually did.

We were gentle and silent as we watched the dusk in Japan, pretending we were home.

It just felt like the end of everything.

Kira was going to be brought down, but not quite yet. We were the decoys, the weaker characters you fought with first, saving your stronger ones to beat the boss more effectively. You saved the strong party for last.

You tossed the knight and the pawn to sacrifice to the bishops, queen, for the king. Sacrifice to the opposing side, so a route to a checkmate could be cleared. Our king… L… might have been gone, but the game wasn't over yet.

_And that was when the board was set._

_

* * *

_

**A/N:** GAH. I'm so sorry. XD End of the schoolyear crunching going on, and preparations to go to ACen in Rosemont, Illinois. This weekend (May 8-10)! And I came up with Lullaby Mysterioso and Concerto in Allegro Feroce and got... sidetracked. I'll admit it. But... hopefully this will be worth it once I finish it. ^_^ Hope you guys like this chapter.

To everyone who has reviewed: Thank you so, so freaking much. You let me know this story is appreciated. Thank you- I can't thank you enough. -Pickles


	23. When the Countdown Began

**When the Countdown Began**

Mello+++

I put the bag of chocolate and frozen dinners on the counter, along with my motor cycle helmet.

"Matt, I'm back," I called, boots clunking across the floor.

"Hey!" he said in a loosely happy voice.

"Matt… you alright?" I asked, narrowing my eyes as I shrugged off my coat.

"Yeah I'm-" he started coughing, "Fine!"

It was obviously a lie, no matter what he thought at the moment. He was past his breaking point if he was doing this around me. I struggled to keep from punching him, throwing him to the ground and screaming at him.

"C'mon, Matty, let's just go-"

"No, let's stay here!" he said, oblivious to anything I was about to say. He was shaking, sickly looking, pale, and… why had I not noticed he was getting thinner?

"How much did you take?" I asked quietly.

"What?"

"Don't you _dare_ tell me you're sober. Don't try to tell me you've not fucked yourself over!" I growled dangerously. His eyes widened a little and I grabbed him by the collar of his vest, yanked him closer, and pulled his goggles off. Dilated pupils. I couldn't- I couldn't just throw him out though.

"Mello, what's the matter?" he asked, almost smiling. I hated it. This false happiness he had created for himself. He came towards me again and I shoved him away.

"You're going to kill yourself, Matt!" I screamed, unable to stop myself. His eyes widened again. He lost his balance and stumbled a little. I stormed up to the bedroom and slammed the door shut. Then locked it.

I sat on the floor, feeling oddly lost. I knew he wasn't… doing this on purpose, but I felt like he was still not trusting me fully, alienating me.

"Mell?" he tried the door. I didn't answer. "Mello?" he said, voice suddenly trembling. He started coughing again. "Mello I'm sorry-" there was a flurry of movement and I realized he'd run to the bathroom. Should I…?

I could hear his pathetic retching.

Matt+++

I was shaking badly now—and there were paradoxes of feelings screwing me over. I'd smoked a lot, taken a double dose, and hell, I think I had been drinking before that. The effects of different things were now either getting worse or starting to wear off, bringing me to a semi-crashing point that was definitely… not worth it. I was sinking.

Soft footsteps.

Slender, strong arms around me.

"It's going to be alright," he said in a whisper.

"No, no it isn't," I whispered. There was a brief silence and a slight tightening of his arms around me before I had to lean over and retch again. He continued to hold me.

He didn't let go.

Not when I'd gotten too weak to sit up myself to dry retch, not when I fell asleep, sick, full of shit I had done to myself.

When I woke I realized we hadn't moved. He still held me, and we were curled on the small rug in front of our shower. I was taken back to a time years ago, when we were just thirteen.

_I was splayed across my bed and Mello was on the floor, his blonde hair swinging as he leaned up onto his elbows to look at me as I played my DS._

_"Say, Matt, will you take your goggles off?"_

_"If you stop asking me…?" There was that look of surprise that I now realized had been, frankly, cute. We were so innocent then…_

_"Yeah, I will!" And then I took them off for the first time ever around someone else. His blue eyes had widened a little, but then… determination flashed in them as if he made a promise. Something secret, something important._

Mello let out a little sigh and held me closer.

I felt strange. Sort of empty.

"How're you feeling?" he asked, eyes still closed.

"I don't know," I said, automatically snuggling in closer to his warmth.

"Matt… why?"

"Hm?"

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

I waited a moment before answering.

"We're not going to make it… so why not?"

"You're going to end up killing yourself and- and I need you. I need you until the end," he whispered, "I know it's… hard. I don't want to die either. I just want to go home. I want to not have to worry about people shooting us when we're out, I want Kira to be dead, I want so much… more than this. But dammit, Matt, life isn't fucking fair. So, is _this_ how you want to go…?"

"I'm so sorry—"

"No. Don't be. Just stay with me," he said, his voice a little pleading.

"You know I'd never—"

"I know, Matt, I know. I suppose you've got munchies, haven't you? Let's go fix that."

"Mhmm. How many times have you had to fix me up now…?"

"That doesn't matter. After everything you've done for me, since we were back at Whammy's on… I feel like I need to repay you somehow."

"Mell… thank you. I love you."

"I love you too, Matty."

"So, Leatherpants, shall we eat something?"

"Sounds good, Lassie."

He helped me up, smiling.

* * *

Mello+++

He seemed better, suddenly. Like he was alright with our future. I couldn't have been more relieved. Now, we had to keep each other going just as much as ever. We both shoved the future aside. We never talked of what we wished, anymore. We accepted our grim fate and what was there, waiting for us.

I sat on the apartment's couch, staring at the old photo of me that I had gotten from Near. The bob cut hairstyle and my expression just didn't match. I remembered how pissed I was about having to go get the picture taken. I hated being on camera, and always had hated it. But a few days after, I begged Roger for a camera of my own, and furiously took pictures of damn near everything.

I flipped the photo over and scowled at the words on the back.

_"Dear Mello"._

Nothing else. What was it? Was it from Near, or someone else? I tossed it into the air, watching my younger self flip over and over, fluttering down until it slid to rest beside a controller on the ground.

I leaned my head back, closing my eyes, and then felt the couch shift as Matt sat down.

"You alright?" he asked.

"Yeah. How 'bout you?"

"Better," he smiled as I looked over out of the corner of my eyes. I smiled and scooted over to give him a kiss.

"Good boy."

"Oh, you ass."

"I know my ass is fine."

Matt face-palmed.

"Prick," he muttered.

"So- we haven't got any plans today."

"Yeah?"

"Where d'you wanna go?" I asked.

"I dunno about you, but I'm going to explore the realm of Japanese gaming to its fullest extent."

"I think I'll check out the local chocolate supplies. Splurge a little on myself."

"Goodness, Mello, that's not like you at all!" he chuckled.

_And that was when the countdown began._

_

* * *

_

A/N: JEEEZ. Went to ACen '09 over the weekend! Suuuch an awesome weekend. New fanfiction ideas are just flooowing through my mind. :D It was pretty cool. And if you happened to be there, I love you.

And to you readers, I love youuuu. I really do. You guys are totally the best.


	24. And That Was Checkmate

**Checkmate**

Matt+++

I was speeding.

Speeding into the horizon.

I checked my car's clock—I was perfectly on time. I eased the gas pedal a little, adrenaline rushing through my veins. The flare gun was in the glove compartment.

I was an accomplice. Surely they would need me to figure out where Mello was taking Takada.

It had been a while since I had done something like this for him.

It would be worth it.

I could almost hear the sirens.

What if—what if I did die?

Would it be easier to leave a scattering of broken glass on the highway?

I flicked my lighter on and lit my cigarette, letting smoke drift out of the window into the cool air. The rhythm of the engine was making me feel so empty, dulling my thoughts. I wanted to get this over with. A car passed me. How easy would it have been to end it then? No, I had to do this for Mello. And of course, I would.

The headlights came at me again.

Why was I thinking like this?

Perhaps because I had so little time.

Right?

I wanted to live on so badly, so desperately. But if I didn't go… Mello might kill me. If I was perfectly honest with myself, I thought he might. I wanted to deny it with all of my will, but I knew exactly how dangerous of a man he was, perhaps better than anyone else.

I still couldn't help but wonder.

What if I sent myself flying? Would I be flying in slow motion? Would I think about the precious wind in my hair as I ripped through the scenery?

To become the wreckage.

Maybe that's what I've always been.

The masochist. The wreckage. Perhaps it was my secret need all along. Mello was involved in that secret need, so involved he became it. But still… why did I always seek this out?

The city became recognizable as where I was supposed to go.

I was speeding.

Speeding into the horizon.

I drove by, set off the gun—I couldn't remember taking it out—and raced into the street again.

I heard the sirens before they even started. And still, I sort of wished I could have become just broken glass on the highway. But…

You know what?

This was okay.

This was for Mello.

Whatever happened, whether I lived or died, it was okay.

I was ready, either way.

Mello+++

It was sort of sad, how easy it was to kidnap her. Takada's arms were handcuffed securely around me, and we were close to the point where we'd go to the delivery truck. Why hadn't Matt contacted me yet? He should have… four minutes ago…

Surely… surely he was alright.

Any second now. He just hit a little snag.

Right?

I was strangely… doubtful.

What if he had—I struggled to keep my composure, and not turn around. I hated every moment of this. I wanted to turn around and go get him, but… he was… fine…

Kira _would_ be overcome.

I prayed for Matt.

I prayed he and Near would understand.

I knew that Kira wouldn't be too long, but if I could take Takada down with me and expose a secret… Near could do the rest.

This was okay.

I was ready from the moment Matt and I parted after a desperate kiss, holding each other tightly, and knowing. I think we both knew. But we still hoped for each other.

The roar of the motorcycle numbed me.

I wondered vaguely what Matt was thinking.

Cursing my name for sending him to his death or… perhaps of this morning—pretending we were home?

Home. Such a bitter word.

Once you leave and can't go back, it's like a stab at your heart. When all you want to do is give in. And you can't.

I pressed the gas pedal in.

I was speeding.

Speeding into the horizon.

* * *

"Near… Mello and Matt have been killed."

Halle's voice startled me. I was rarely jumpy, but this news… Both of them.

"The circumstances?" I said, looking up from my tower of dice, pausing for a moment.

She turned the screens on and I stared at them.

The burning church.

The ring of police cars.

I flung my arm at the tower of dice, scattering them to the floor, sending them flying across the room. I was the last one of us left.

My eyes were watering.

Halle stepped over and put her arm on my shoulder. She knew how much they meant to me.

Especially Mello.

And… he never knew.

I had to make their sacrifice worth something.

And now, because of it, I knew _exactly_ how to finish the process and bring Kira down.

_Dear Mello,_

The picture. I never finished what I meant to say.

But he had Matt, so he was happy.

Honestly, we never would have been good. Perhaps it was better that I never said anything. That way he could… live the way he wanted. Not that he wouldn't have anyway.

I began rebuilding a tower of dice, each side in order with dots. One was crimson. Two, three, four, five, and six were black.

Time to keep going.

If nothing else, I would fight for Matt, Mello, and of course, L.

Come on, Kira.

Let's see just how unguarded your king is.

And that was checkmate.

* * *

A/N: Wow... it's done. o.o Holy cow. I can't believe it. It's sort of... insane... I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm so glad it came this far. Thank you to everyone who helped me out with this, too. Thank you so, so much!


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